Пряхин Андрей Александрович : другие произведения.

Translator Of Pushkin Переводчик Пушкина

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    THE CHEKHOV DUET (Anton Lyrnik, Andrei Molochny) - TRANSLATOR OF PUSHKIN https://youtu.be/DXO82v06C7I

  
  
  THE CHEKHOV DUET (Anton Lyrnik, Andrei Molochny)
  TRANSLATOR OF PUSHKIN
  
  Anton Lyrnik (Publisher): Translator of Pushkin. To the applause of yours!
  Andrei Molochny (Translator): Good afternoon!
  Publisher: Good afternoon! You`re Molochny, aren"t you? Very glad you"ve come. I thought you wouldn"t have courage to come.
  Translator: But why?
  Publisher: I thought you"d stay at home after you"d done for our publishing house.
  Translator: What wrong did I do for your publishing house? It was you who turned to me for that professional translation.
  Publisher: We considered you a translator ...
  Translator: I"m the best translator from Russian into English ...
  Publisher: That"s bullshit! You"d been given a simple task to translate The Tale of Tsar Saltan (The Tale of Tsar Saltan, of his son, the
  glorious and mighty knight prince Gvidon Saltanovich, and of the fair Swan-princess. -ААП). What could be simpler! And you, what did
  you do?
  Translator: Firstly, let"s file not these claims ... Facts are what I need!
  Publisher: Facts? You"re welcome! Let"s go over the text!
  Translator: Let"s go over it!
  Publisher: Three fair maidens, late one night... (Tri devitsi pad aknom ...) What was your translation?
  Translator: Three devices under window ...
  Publisher: What word did you use?
   Translator: Three devices ...
  Publisher: A-ha! De-vices! So you translated `three maidens` (devitsis) as `devices`.
  Translator: I swear I did!
  Publisher: Are maidens` (devitsis) `devices?` Are you kidding?
  Translator: You shoulda known Pushkin! A rake, duellist and womanizer! The word of `devitsis` in the original sounds as a replica of
  `devices` in English. (Addressing the audience) De-vi-ces!
  Translator: You"re talking nonsense! I say, Molochny! Is it sane to say in English : `Three devices under window` ?
  Translator: Absolutely!
  Publisher: Too bad!
  Translator: Is it all? No more claims?
  Publisher: Just wait! We`re just in the very beginning! The second line: `Sat and spun by candlelight (Priali poz(d)no vetcherkom)`. How
  did you translate `spun` (priali)?
  Translator: You see there"s no word for `spun` (priali) in English!
  Publisher: Go on with you!
  Translator: It"s an indigenous Russian word!
  Publisher: Go on!
  Translator: This word was invented by Pushkin!
  Publisher: Unbelievable!
  Translator: That"s why I put it down in English as `weave king drinking!`
  Publisher: There are no such words in the original!
   Translator: Of course, it"s me who invented `em!
  Publisher: And were the phrases like `late one night` (`poz(d)no vetcherkom`) also invented by you?! What is English for the Russian word
  `vecher`?
  Translator: Evening! Night!
  Publisher: Why did you write `evening doe`?
  Translator: Because it"s a poem: `under a window` - `evening doe`. This is a rhyme! I was stretching, adjusting the rhyme to the line quite
  deliberately!
  Publisher: But your high-strung rhyme broke off! Well, next line! How did you translate: `Were our tsar to marry me` (`kabi ya bila tsaritsa`)?
  Translator: I"m going to tell you one more time that English is a very limited language!
  Publisher: Upon my soul!
  Translator: It hasn"t got the word `were` (kabi). Have you ever heard Obama saying: `Were our showdown with Cuba, we"d .. .` Did you hear
  these `were` and `Cuba`, `were` and `Cuba`?
  Publisher: Never ever!
  Translator: Bingo! That"s because they haven`t got the word of `were`. If there had been such a word he would have said `were` and `Cuba`.
  Publisher: So instead of translating the Russian word of `kabi` you just inserted two occasional English consonant letters `K` and `B`.
  Translator: They read as follows `kay bee` in accordance with the English phonetics. So I obtained the word that sounds almost identical to the
  Russian word `kabi`!
  Publisher: Uhu! K.B.!
  Translator: K.B. - `kabi`!
  Publisher: `K.B. I was wife kingsizes!` Right?
  Translator: Exactly!
  Publisher: What fucking terrible ravings! Who is that `kingsize wife`? You must be meaning `a big woman`? `Kingsizes`? What"s this?!
  Translator: It"s a rhymed pair: `devices` - `kingsizes`. Should I explain to you every single rhyme?
  Publisher: Well! Go on! This time it`s not a rhyme, but an initial line! `I"m a prostitute!` What phrase of the Pushkin`s long poem could be
  translated like this: `I"m a prostitute!`
  Translator: I wonder if you ever read Pushkin?
  Publisher: I did!
  Translator: We read in the Pushkin`s poem: `ya, blya, batyushki tsarya` (I, whore, give our tsar ...`).
  Publisher: What"s `blya` (whore. - ААП)?
  Translator: Are you acquainted with the history of Old Russia and Church Slavonic language?
  Publisher: Perhaps, not as good as you are, Sir! `Ya b Dlya!` (I would give our tsar ... `). There is `I WOULD GIVE` in the line rather than `I,
  WHORE, GIVE our tsar`.
  Translator: In my book there was `I, WHORE, GIVE`.
  Publisher: Where? In the book of your problem childhood? Or elsewhere? Well, proceed further! That very phrase: `I would give our tsar an heir`
  (`Ya b dlya batyushki tsarya rodila`, etc.)? What is English for `rodit` (give birth)`?
  Translator: BORN!
  Publisher: Let it be! And in the subjunctive mood?
  Translator: I born b!
  Publisher: Born b?
  Translator: Born b! The word expression `Ya blya` (`I, whore, give ...`) implies `BORN B as its direct consequence`!
  Publisher: Then whom would she BORN B?
  Translator: I miss what you"re meaning!
  Publisher: Whom would she give birth to?
  Translator: There we go again! An heir, of course. Take a volume by Pushkin and read it once!
  Publisher: I do not see any `heir` in your translation. I only see `Super Hulk`.
  Translator: How would I explain to the foreign readers that that heir is a strong man? They haven"t got the strong men, they have got only big
  green Hulk. Everyone knows who this hero is.
  Publisher: I have had enough! Thanks.
  Translator: Wait a minute! Just recite my translation, listen to its music! My music! Just feel this work of art! Do it now!
  Publisher: To read it in loud?
  Translator: Read and feel it!
  Publisher: Are you ready for that?
  Three devices under window
  Weave king drinking (forgive me for saying it!) evening doe.
  K.B. I was wife kingsizes,
  Speaking one of this devices,
  I"m a prostitute! I born b Super Hulk!
  
  (Compare with the classical translation by Louis Zellikoff:
  Three fair maidens, late one night,
  Sat and spun by candlelight.
  "Were our tsar to marry me,"
  Said the eldest of the three,
  "I would cook and I would bake -
  Oh, what royal feasts I'd make."
  Said the second of the three:
  "Were our tsar to marry me,
  I would weave a cloth of gold
  Fair and wondrous to behold."
  But the youngest of the three
  Murmured: "If he married me -
  I would give our tsar an heir
  Handsome, brave, beyond compare." - ААП)
  
  Translator: This is a masterpiece! Just see, everybody likes it!
  Publisher: Who likes it?
  Translator: People! Ordinary people!
  Publisher: Blow those poems! Why did you draw pictures in the margins? Pothooks and hangers!
  Translator: Are you acquainted with the creative works by the great poet?
  Publisher: Yes, I am ...
  Translator: Pushkin would draw in the margins! And I translated his pictures too!
  Publisher: It can"t be true!
  Translator: I"m a professional translator, I translate everything I see around me, it"s my mission in the Earth!
  Publisher: I see a picture of a ... condom!
  Translator: It rhymes with Prince Guidon.
  Publisher: What"s this? Balls?
  Translator: Nuts. Simply the squirrel drawn by me occurred to be a male.
  
  (Compare with the classical translation by Louis Zellikoff:
  There's a little squirrel dwelling
  In a fir tree; all day long,
  Cracking nuts, it sings a song.
  Nuts-most wondrous to behold!
  Every shell is solid gold;
  Kernels-each an emerald pure!
  That's a wonder, to be sure." - ААП)
  
  Publisher: Why does an old man pray to the bidet?
  Translator: How dare you! What did you say? An old man pray to the bidet?! It"s `King Kaschey grows ill with gold` (a line from Tony Kline`s translation
  of Pushkin`s another long poem `Ruslan and Liudmila`. - ААП).
  Publisher: A curious illness.
  Translator: Why not? Some people who had the golden toilet bowls installed might grow ill.
  Publisher: Whoever you might be but you"re not a translator.
  Translator: But I am.
  Publisher: Sooner you are a rogue, a street hobo.
  Translator: If you don"t stop abusing me I"m going to do the same in English.
  Publisher: Do start, Sir! Who am I?
  Translator: You are finishman.
  Publisher: Whom have you said am I? Who is it?
  Translator: A goner!
  Publisher: Be kind to return your advance.
  Translator: Do you know what we, translators, answer in such cases?
  Publisher: What?
  Translator: Fusk you! Fusk, my dear!
  Publisher: What?! I don"t understand you!
  THE END
  
  
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